Dealing with Defeat

The feeling of securing the gold is a great one. All of the cheers, the knowledge that all of the hard work and sacrifice has paid off makes anyone slap a fat smile on their face. But what about defeat? A lot of the same things one thinks about after a win are flipped on their ass when dealt a healthy serving of defeat. You think about all of the mistakes you made in training, how you might have not done everything you could have with your diet, or maybe you try and discredit your opponent by saying 'he got lucky'. It's a hard fucking pill to swallow, this brick we call defeat.
After coming in second at the IBJJF Dallas Open, I stayed and watched some of the other divisions. I love watching everyone compete, the coaches yelling out orders, and the parents and loved ones cheering for the warriors on the mats. Brazilian Jiu Jitsu of my life, and watching every aspect of the game helps to really connect with the art. The one thing I always find interesting is the advice parents give their kids. I was watching the teen divisions and overheard part of a conversation between what appeared to be a young bjj fighter and his father.

"You ready, killer?" The older man said to the young teen.
"Yes, sir!" The teen shouted, amped out of his fucking mind.
"Go out there and do your best. But be prepared just in case you lose"

Ummmm, are you fucking serious?!?!? "Be prepared just in case you lose?" That's the dumbest load of horse shit anyone in a position to give the "go get em'" speech can give! First off, don't ever prepare yourself for defeat. What this does is plant the seed that says "I know you've been focused on coming out as the victorious one, but there is also the chance you may lose." What the f*ck are you on? Do you think a lion ever says," I'm going to chase down this gazelle, but I really need to consider the fact that there is a possibility it may get away."? Hell no! The lion thinks to himself: "Self, I'm going to surprise the shit out of this little faggot gazelle and sink my teeth into his tiny punk ass". If the gazelle does get away, no biggie. The lion goes back and tries again.

The poor kid did, in fact, end up losing. This game, as with most in life, is just as much mental as it is physical. It would have been easy to give up after I came in second in Dallas. And why not? I gave up all my time, stuck to a strict diet, broke up with my girlfriend, and only came out with a silver medal that literally represents, 2nd best. But is that how we deal with defeat, by saying 'fuck it' and never competing again? No, not here friends. Defeat is something almost everyone will have to deal with, in one form or another. We need to use these lessons in defeat to refuel our passion for what we do.

I remember thinking to myself while my opponents hand was being raised after the final match: "Tomorrow morning I'm going to be the first one at the gym! I'm going to train my ass off so I never get stuck in that position again..." And that's exactly what I did. I trained all morning, went to the gym, and then sat in bed for the rest of the day watching BJJ matches. This is how I deal with defeat, I use it as a tool to remind myself that there is still room to grow. After all, why give up after you've put in so much hard work?

 Defeat can help us grow just as much as a victory can. It keeps us hungry, and makes sure that our egos stay in check. But regardless of the lesson learned, it is something that needs to be dealt with in a positive manner.